The Eagle; an American icon. I don’t know if the American Bald Eagle is still an endangered species, but I do know that there is a new, even rarer animal in need of our assistance, the SWBAMLIJ! Obviously, SWBAMLIJ is short for “single white bald American male living in Japan.” These rare creatures are in short supply these days and it will take a long and concerted effort by all of us to keep them alive and, ultimately, thriving once again.
SWBAMLIJs spend most of their time indoors, as to avoid the harsh UV rays, which can cause unsightly burns on the crown of their heads. They can survive on just about any food source possible, though they are particularly found of a type of snack devoid of nutrients known as “kaki-pi.” Needless to say, if you spot one of these animals, contact your local authority as quickly as possible, so that they may document the sighting and help save these unusual beasts.