Last week I was chatting with a friend from home about this countdown I’ve got going; 77 days remain. She told me that ‘you shouldn’t focus on the number, you should enjoy every second!‘ She’s right, but what she doesn’t realize is that having a number in mind actually HELPS me enjoy it more. At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself.
*One (and a half) eyes on the future.
The truth is that recently, the last couple of weeks in particular, have been all out mental warfare. Who’s the enemy? Me! I’d heard a lot of talk about the stress that comes with finishing service and now that it’s near, I am starting to feel it. Not in a “oh no, I don’t want to leave all this behind!” kind of way, but not having a real idea of what I want to pursue after this, or rather, too many ideas, has made mush out of my brains. As the great Roy O’Bannon says in ‘Shanghai Knights,’ “I’m a thirty year old waiter/gigolo. Where’s the future in that!?” As much as I like Roy boy and that movie, I do not want to wind up a ’36 year old, fill in the blank, with no future. That’s the source of my frustration of late.
The even truer truth is that I have nothing to worry about. I’ve got a great family, great friends and I’ve made it this far, so there’s no reason to think I’m done. Speaking of great friends, one of my closest recently said it best when he sent me this message…and I’m paraphrasing here, ‘no matter what we choose, we will always wonder what would’ve come had we chosen differently, which may seem unsettling at first, but it’s actually a wonderful relief, because it means there are no wrong choices.‘ So there you have it. Whether I choose A, B even X, I’ll be fine. Things seem to work out when you let them. Thanks CammO!