Alright, no more messing about. That too nice to be true weather has left the building. Winter has officially arrived, and so far, this Florida boy is not love’n it! This isn’t my first winter rodeo. A couple of years ago, when I visited my cousin Gayle in Fairbanks, the weather was downright hostile, but I was only there about a month. When you’re living in it, it’s a completely different animal. Wednesday morning was particularly irksome. I woke up at my usual 4:30am, but instead of popping out of bed like I’m accustomed to, I stayed there, starring at the ceiling in the dark, cold air that filled my room. I was still there long after my alarm (David Gray’s ‘Babylon’) ran it’s course. I was thinking of everything to inspire myself to get up. I finally did, and once I had a couple of coffees in me, I put on a t-shirt, some light sweat pants, a hoodie and some old, thin sneakers. When I opened the front door, the cold air entered my lungs and I immediately started coughing. I fumbled for the keys to lock the door behind me and then walked to the truck…gingerly, as the entire parking lot was full of ice and snow.
About 2 or 3 inches of powder blanketed the truck, so after I got the door open and got it started (to let it ‘warm up’ the locals tell me), I began working on trying to get the substantial snow and ice off the windows. Keep in mind that I am not wearing gloves, because I wasn’t expecting this production…and because I’m a little stubborn. Also, the snow brush, or whatever the hell they call it, vanished into thin air, just in time for this freakish cold front. I wound up using this thing called a ‘Swifter,’ which is used for dusting your home. By the time I got the windows cleared, I was more than ready to get inside the truck and thaw out, ‘but wait, there’s more!’ Something was missing, but it took my frozen brain a second to register what it was; my telephone! I figured it must have flown out of my hoodie hand pocket when I was waving that stupid duster around. I spent the next 8 minutes or so retracing my steps with the high beams on. I’ve no doubt I was throwing around some very foul language at that point, but I don’t even remember. What I DO remember is that I was so cold that I wound up saying ‘(bleep) it’ and went to the gym without it. On the way there I heard a ‘BING!’ It was then that I realized I had put it in the truck before I started de-snowing my vehicle. Of course, it took me two hours to find it after that point, which left me plenty time for more taunting ‘BINGs!’ It turns out it was right in front of my nose, wedged between the windshield and dashboard. By the time I got it in my hands, it was so cold that it shut down with a warning message.
I found out a day or so later that it was some kind of record cold for this time of year; -9 or something ridiculous like that. Give me palm trees, or give me death!