Those who know me are well accustomed to my sudden bursts of laughter, seemingly for no reason at all. I’ll admit, from the outside I must look like a madman, but, I assure you, there is ALWAYS a reason! It just doesn’t always translate as well as I’d like. That said, my buddy Bill requested I add a few of the silly observations I’ve had here so far. Without further adieu and of no particular importance…
Ok, I’ve said this before, but I HATE roaches and would rather be in a room with a savage beast than one filled with roaches. Well, one night I showered at the office (cause they had water and we didn’t) and then took a motorbike ride back to the ‘Chateau.’ Between the shower and breeze I got on the bike, I was feeling pretty good, a.k.a. not sweaty. I had every intention of keeping it that way too.
When I got home I realized I had the place to myself for a bit, so I stripped down to my burgundy colored shorts as to stay cool while I finished up the rest of my pre-bed ritual. There I was, brushing my teeth in the restroom and I spot him…a massive roach, a scant few feet above my head, perched on the wall. He was looking at me, his antenna flopping about, as if to test the which way the wind was blowing (there wasn’t any wind, but you get the picture). I calmly stoped what I was doing, picked up an alcohol dispenser that was sitting on the sink and took aim….and then…I completely missed him! The disinfectant just spilled to the floor.
During those unfortunate seconds, the roach was emboldened and decided to lunge at me!!! Now I’m using speedy hands to try and get this f’n thing off me, only I’m unsuccessful in that endeavor too and he falls from my stomach to my shorts, which are practically the same color of the roach, and then IN my shorts. From here there is only one option and I take it, ripping my shorts off in a flash and frantically begin swinging them around like a lunatic, but I STILL can’t find where this thing went!??
As you can imagine, any dry coolness I was experiencing five minutes prior was now long gone. I spent the next twenty minutes out in the backyard in nothing but flip-flops attempting to cool down before bed. Soon after I laid down I heard the door open; Jules and Rafaela were now home. I relayed my story, Rafaela lost it and then proceeded to track down the roach, scooped it up as if it were a butterfly and walked it outside to freedom, laughing at me all the while. Incidentally, it was Rafaela who came up with the name ‘friend’ to mock me. Not my proudest moment.
‘Why did the chicken cross the road? Why!?’
Here is a retelling of the events that transpired on the morning of Friday, May 18th, 2018. It was approximately 7am and I was waiting on a motorbike to make my way to the office. The following scene unfolded before my very eyes…. a chicken is crossing the road (not a joke), a motorbike zooms by, barely trying to avoid it, if at all. The motorbike runs over the chickens legs. The chicken makes a sound a chicken would make if it had just had it’s legs run over by a passing motorbike. A child is nearby. The child makes a sound of surprise, one that I beleive is unique to this part of the world. The child then runs off behind his house, seemingly to explain what happened to someone in his house. The child then runs back out, rips the chicken off the muddy road, where it had been laboring to drag itself across to safety (yes, it was very sad looking) and then runs home with the poor, mauled chicken in his grip. Moments later a semi-wild puppy appears. The puppy begins playing with the chicken’s feathers that were still flying around in the air, just like you’d see in a cartoon. It would make for a cute calendar picture with a different backstory. I stood there slack-jawed at the chain of events. That was how I started the morning of May 18th.
As you might imagine, nudity here, especially in some of the more remote villages, doesn’t have the same stigma attached to it as it does back home. That said, there has been one topless woman that stands above the rest and her name is….!!!???
My co-workers and I were on a site visit to examine one of the 200 ponds WorldFish monitors. We stopped at a house to ask one of the locals the exact location of it. One fellow volunteered to take us there. I should mention that there were a few people in the area and one woman in particular was very animated and friendly. She was shaking my hand, saying something in Timneh (another local language here that I do not know), so I just shook her hand back and mustered a smile of my own, which came easy because she was a lot of fun.
As we began to make our way from the house, she taps me good on the shoulder, and as I turn around (we all turned around actually), she starts saying something…loudly. I couldn’t make it out of course, but when she pulled out her left breast from beneath her shirt, shook it at me with her left hand whilst using her right had to point at our pond guide, I solved the mystery. The woman was trying to explain that the guy was her son. We all had a good laugh at that one. I thought it would’ve been easier to just have someone tell us it was her son, but I appreciated the theatrics. 😀
*These are but a few of the many mishaps I’ve experienced thus far. I will add more as I go.